The Drug of Choice: A Fat Girl's Journey

We all have a drug of choice. You might be reading this and thinking, "No, Mfon, I don’t do drugs. I don’t even like alcohol like that, talk more of drugs." But hear me out—we all have that one thing we spend most of our time on. Drugs come in many forms. Let me explain my thought process.

In my 28 years of living, I have seen many forms of addiction. Let’s take them as examples:

The Workaholic: 

A workaholic gets his fix from work. We have all heard stories of prominent and regular people obsessed with work, only to slump at their desks one day, face down, without warning. Well, obviously, there were warnings, but they ignored them because their drug of choice was work. Society sees this as a "good" addiction but an addiction nonetheless.

Drugs as Drugs : 

These are classic drug addictions like opioids, coke, LSD, weed, alcohol, etc. These are the drugs society deems bad. But I’ve come to realize that our society, especially millennials, Gen Z, and even people in their 40s-60s, are heavy users of these substances. It’s shocking yet, in a way, calming to know that the seemingly perfect celebrities, influencers,religious and societal leaders we admire on social media or in general are not as put-together as they seem. 

You might ask, "How is this realization calming?" Well, it helps me and others like me set realistic expectations. I used to have very high expectations for myself, i.e., the shopping sprees and diamond purchases, to mention a few, and social media only amplified that pressure. But the more I observe, the more I realize that it’s all PR and branding that's giving people the tools to curate their lives for their audience. And my recent experiences have shown me that even the most admired figures are deeply flawed. This type of drug may be frowned upon, but it’s a coping mechanism for over 15 million youth and adults in Nigeria, according to NAFDAC.

Religion as a Drug

Now, let’s talk about another addiction—religion. Calm down and follow my train of thought. Faith is a powerful force, but when it consumes your life to the point where logical thinking is abandoned, it becomes a drug. Consider a family man or woman who decides to become an evangelist, giving their all to Christ/Allah with no job or source of income, yet they have a spouse/spouses and children to feed. You might say, "Mfon, God will provide." Yes, He will, but even the Bible says He helps those who help themselves.

You might also argue that Jesus' disciples left everything to follow Him, but note—they were single, able-bodied men without families depending on them. "And He said to them, 'Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.' Immediately they left their nets and followed Him." (Matthew 4:19-20). Imagine, in this economy, leaving everything behind. I bet you’d go to bed hungry and tired because the streets of Lagos do not care. Then, we have religious fanatics who go to extremes—beating or jailing women for not wearing the "appropriate" attire in religious spaces. Take up religious wars and numerous actions because of their belief,

This is a "good" drug deemed by society, but it is a drug nonetheless. Let’s be clear: my faith is my power, and I am a Christian. But I’ve been burned by my own illogical faith-driven decisions, which, in hindsight, were powered by greed. Let that sink in.

My Drug of Choice: Food

Now, let’s talk about my drug of choice—food. It comes in all shapes and flavors. From bread to rice, juicy chicken, turkey, and some nice soups—just writing this makes me happy. My personal use of food as a drug was emotional. I gained over 25kg from stress eating and happy eating. This meant I ate when I was sad or stressed and even celebrated with food when I was happy. There was no "safe" time for food—12 a.m., 3 a.m., 12 p.m.—Chef Mfon was always ready.

I once fried plantain and made rice with stew at 2 a.m. in my aunt’s house in Lagos. She was very shocked, but to me, it was normal. But here’s the catch—it wasn’t normal. It was a serious problem. Have I completely freed myself from it? Nope. Two days ago, I was starving at 11:30 p.m. Normally, I don’t eat after 9 p.m. since I started my intentionality journey, but that day, I had my dinner at 7 p.m. and stayed up late working. 

Did I give in? Yes. But instead of a full plate of vegetable rice with chicken, plantain, and an egg, I opted for two pieces of chicken and a slice of watermelon. My body wanted the full-blown meal, but I recognized my patterns and their consequences. In the past, I would have made the full meal, eating it by 2 a.m., feeling bloated and groggy because I slept both late and overfilled, and go on to have an unproductive, miserable day afterward because I didn't sleep well and ultimately work up both bloated and hungry. But because I identified the cycle, I made a better choice. But I know that clearly, Food is my drug.

Other Forms of Drugs

If there’s anything worth striving for in life, it’s balance and discipline. Life is to be lived and enjoyed, but addiction takes the joy from you, There are many other forms of addiction:

• Sex addiction- We all know of a minister in an African Country who slept with almost everyone he worked with 

• Compulsive lying (People who lie for no reason at all)

• Hoarding (Holding on to material things, fights, people, etc.): We all have a family member who always repeats a key story that messed up his/her life and always refers back to it in every family function /event as a story. Most of us can repeat it word for word.  

• The chronic need to be liked (A very subtle but powerful addiction)

Let’s talk about the last one. Some people cannot stand not being liked. They need to control the narrative—there can be no bad press, only perfection. And if you cross them, they will make it their mission to destroy you and discredit you. That is power-hungry behavior. I’ve encountered these types during my time as a businesswoman.

 Once, a client who owed me money took me to the police station—yes, read that again—because I had valuable information that only I could provide, and instead of being reasonable, they used the police against me.

Power is a drug. Food is a drug. Drugs are drugs. Essentially, anything you prioritize over your well-being, family, and life itself is a drug. I define a drug in this context as anything that drains your energy keeps you in a cycle of stagnancy with no growth, and takes away your core sense of living.

We all have our drugs. Some are more socially acceptable than others. But society does judge the user of the drug they deem bad and praise the others they deem good?

The Bible says,  "Judge not, that you be not judged." (Matthew 7:1). There’s also an old saying: "For every finger you point, four fingers point back at you."

I have seen a serial wife-beater judge people who smoke and drink. I’ve seen businessmen with no real relationship with their families judge struggling family men for their finances. The aim of this blog is to highlight the flawed nature of humanity and the use of judgment to others as a tool not to face the real underlying issue within us. 

In Nigeria, we live in a religious society where God and Allah are revered as national treasures, yet politicians with impeccable church and mosque records fight to uphold laws that allow child marriages. How is it that Dele Giwa went to a cell while well-known politicians caught red-handed stealing public funds roam free?

Growing up in Lagos and traveling a bit has taught me one thing: we are all addicts in one way or another. Just because you haven’t identified your drug doesn’t mean you don’t have one. Maybe you’re a chronic gossiper or—excuse my French—a serial cheat (hoe/gigolo). Maybe you always want bad things to happen to others, or you’re just plain lazy and ignorant. Your drug might not be on this list, but deep down, you know what it is.

Want to find out what your addiction is? Ask the people who know you best, and they’ll give you the lowdown. Life is about growth. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Either way, by reading this article, you know what I mean, and it’s now up to you to make a change. Don't be one of those social media terms that go, "I have a bad character accept me for who I am.. "well, guess what you will destroy good relationships and push your helpers away with that mindset. Not everyone who buys a problem can keep it. Don't be like this image here. 

But don’t be alarmed if you don't like what you hear, The Good news is that Intentionality is key to self-discovery. Identifying your drug doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a full-fledged human being. Awareness is the first step toward change, You can either ignore it and let it bite you in the ass like Ryan Reynolds (whose latest antics have my head spinning), or you can work on it like Justin Baldoni.

 Change is inevitable: "To everything, there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1). You either make a change with daily steps or get stuck in time and recall your glory days like most adults do, but know time won't wait for you, no it also changes daily too. 

Thank you, guys, for reading, I would love to know your drug of choice and how you’re dealing with it. Let me know in the comments. 

With Love 

Mfon

Dont forget to grab your copy of Divorced in Lagos now on Amazo. Click here to purchase: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DXQHRXJJ or support me directly by purchasing it here: htt:ps://ukimmfon.systeme.io/ab6f149b.

Thank you!