'See How Woman Dey Talk to Me’ 1 – How Nigerian Women Navigate Disrespect

Let’s Get Real: Feminism in Nigeria Is a Battle, Not a Trend

Hi Thrivers,

I’ve lived in Nigeria all my life, and here’s my truth: feminism here isn’t dead, but it’s far from thriving. We’ve made progress—more girls are educated, women lead businesses, and some families champion equality. But peel back the layers, and you’ll see the cracks.

What Does Feminism Even Mean Here in Nigeria?

Globally, feminism fights for gender equality in every aspect: socially, economically, and politically. But in Nigeria? The word sparks eyerolls, insults, or sometimes outright rejection. For some, it’s about leadership opportunities and breaking barriers; for others, it’s refusing to cook or clean for a man. Many dismiss it as “un-African.”

The reality, in my view? Our feminism is fragmented, misunderstood, and often performative. Let's look at it from these tales, shall we :

My Wake-Up Call: “See How Woman Wey I Dey F*ck for House dey Talk to Me”

Let me share my personal story. I run Omonile Interiors, an Interior design company based in Lagos. I was hired to install some furniture for a short- let apartment in Lekki. My usual team was unavailable due to us completing another project in Sangotedo.  So I used Frank (not his real name) to install the TV unit. He missed deadlines, lied about progress, and when I called him out, his response shook me:
“See how woman wey I dey fck for house dey talk to me.”*

I had two choices:

1. Fight back (be emotional, compromise, and risk the project & my new business reputation).

2. Hand the project to my male PM (and let patriarchy “win”).

I chose the latter. The job got done, Frank apologized, but the damage was done. His words exposed a mentality many Nigerian men (and women!) still harbor: respect for women is conditional

The Contradictions of Being a Nigerian Woman

1. “Marriage Is Your Ultimate Success”

You can have a degree (or three!), but society still measures your worth by a ring. Even Chimamanda Adichie has called this out: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller.”  Truth is, you can earn six figures, but be told marriage is your “real success.”

2. “Be Submissive at Home Even If You Earn More” This might be controversial to some but this is where I stand, as a human being, not just a man/woman, you should earn and take care of your bills, but in marriage when one party earns more there will always be a quote on quote power shift. 

In this aspect, that is where who you marry shows in both male and female, as money is only an object used here. I believe that communication in every relationship is key, for example, using Tiwa Savage

and her ex-husband, where Tiwa was a Star and can not come back from tour or a show to fry chicken and make stew, but her ex-husband also had the right to ask for his wife to cook and perform other wifey duties based on his marriage expectations.

Neither stand is wrong; they just won't work because neither side will be able to do or tolerate what the other wants, which is not bad. When it was properly communicated, as we all remember, they separated. Good communication is where I stand!

Like my Aunt will say in any spirited argument about gender roles, "I know women who out-earn their husbands but must pretend otherwise in the family. Why must financial power bow to cultural egos when communication and marrying someone who fits your values should be the key, and not revamping the past like most people do? It was a norm for us, but not for this generation."

3. “Own Property? Not If You’re Female”: In this case, it is well and alive, Inheritance discrimination as seen in the Herbert Wigwe (Access Bank) family saga, where his daughter fought her grandfather for her father’s assets after his death.

4. “You’re Too Rude for Speaking Up”

At work, assertive women are “aggressive.” You can lead protests (like Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan), but watch women lead the charge against you for the recall of her seat on the Senate, allegedly (yes, women led the charge for her recall in Kogi!). See the link here for more information Natasha’s Lawyer Accuses Kogi Govt Of Sponsoring Senator’s Recall

5. You can own a business but be insulted for asserting authority: Too many female business owners, including myself, have shared how they have been disrespected by their male staff. In a recent case was a meal prep founder, known as Miley Hart, was sent a message by her ex-staff, who she let go because of his conduct to her female staff. The content of the message in summary was  ‘she is old and she should go and marry. https://www.instagram.com/miley_hart/ . 

Now you understand my thought process, let's move into how to navigate the existing patriarchy through my own 5 Hard Learned Lessons:

1. Pick Your Battles (Wisely)
   Not every fight is worth your energy. When men (or women) spew stereotypes (“All men are dogs,” “Women are gold diggers”), I disengage. Low-IQ conversations don’t deserve my time.

2. Earn Your Own Money (But Know the System Is Rigged)
   A friend once said: “Nigeria keeps women dependent—from childhood chores to male-funded ‘self-made’ female CEOs.” I argued financial independence breaks the cycle, but she’s right: the system favors men or Money. So still, earn anyway.

3. Carry Pepper Spray (Seriously)
   Most Nigerian women aren’t taught self-defense. Your safety is your responsibility. Avoid shady meetups, share your location, and trust your gut.

4. Build a Ride-or-Die Support System
   When I hit rock bottom, my dad, my partner, and friends like Naomi, Tutu, and Olamide held me up. You need people who’ll check if you’re okay—or tell you when you’re acting a fool.

5. Listen to Your Inner Voice (and Faith). That little voice warning you? Listen. You’re not perfect, but self-awareness is Power

My final question is: Is feminism really alive in Nigeria, and what are your thoughts, readers? well, to me it’s not dead, but it’s not the Western brand or type. Nigerian women are crafting our version. We’re not copying Western feminism—we’re rewriting our own rules. But until a woman can lead without insults, inherit without fights, or speak without backlash, the fight continues.

So, do I regard myself as a feminist?

I’m a benefactor of feminism, and I’ll always champion:

• Women who think critically (not just emotionally),

• Sisterhood rooted in faith and accountability,

• Equality that empowers, not divides.

What’s your experience? Have you faced workplace sexism or inheritance bias? Let’s talk in the comments.